Now or Never?
by IsisMoon9
Summary: It could be now or never. SJ
1. Chapter 1

_AN- What happens at Jacks once Hammond leaves in Lost City. Poss follow up to "Bottom of the Abyss". Have tweaked it a bit but that's poetic license for you! _

_Reviews make my day! Espec as I have an anatomy exam and others coming up! Written during a bout of insomnia so be kind!_

_Keep Smiling! _

The general had explained to them the situation and knew enough about their team dynamics to leave them, albeit shell-shocked, to deal with it in their own ways.

Daniel had sobered up surprisingly quickly after the news that the SGC was being handed over to someone who knew nothing of the stargate and its many dangers. Also at the thought that Jacks predicament may now never be sorted. They all sat in silence, knowing that the first one to break it would be facing the truth that things could never be the way they were.

"I believe that myself and DanielJackson should take our leave." Without protest Daniel follows Teal'c to the door. They watched as Sam did not even raise her head to acknowledge their departure. Her face a picture of despair and determination all at once. They both offered comforting words to Jack, and left. As the door shut Jack returned to his seat, still in awe of the events of the afternoon.

"So, looks like I'm gonna be ancient for a while, at least I'll get at least half of what Danny's on about!" his jovial tone got no response from his 2IC except for a small snort of disillusion. "Earth to Carter!"

"I heard you." She played with the beer bottle in her hand, debating whether to put it down and leave or throw it against the wall in frustration of his reaction and the situation in general. Her voice seemed small as she spoke, not sounding at all like her. Finally she put the bottle onto the table with an audible bang. "I should go." As she got up Jack blocked her path. She just stood there staring at her shoes before forcing herself to look at him.

"You can't leave; you've had too much to drink to drive Major." He couldn't explain the use of her rank, just that it would at least zone her back into listening to him.

"What do you want me to do then sir?" her tone was sharp but he didn't move.

"Just, I don't know, sit and chat for a while." She was right; neither of them knew what to do. Should he just take her in his arms and blurt out what he thought she came to tell him, to tell her things were going to be ok even when he knew they weren't going to be. He knew she wouldn't buy that for a minute.

She eventually backed down and returned to her original position on the sofa. He smiled triumphantly at her, to which he received a small smile of amusement, not quite what he was going for but it would have to do for now.

"That's better, now, drink? I can wash a cup for some coffee if you're desperate to get out of here or I think I have some fruit juice of some description."

"beer." She paused and a sad smile crossed her face. "Definitely think I need a beer." As he went off to get the drinks she sat in a trance trying to decide what she should do. Should she tell him what she came here to tell him? Just formulate plans of getting him back to being himself? Idle chit-chat until the tension built up to the stage where she had to take a taxi home? As he came back into the room and plopped next to her on the sofa she knew which option she had to take. It was going to be now or never, she couldn't help thinking that if there was no solution to the handing over of the SGC with regard to Jack that she wouldn't have much time or opportunity to tell him while he was still, well, him.

She crossed a leg under her and he leant back into the cushions trying to get comfortable. He looked up to find her facing him, staring at her hands as if they were a new fascinating doohicky. She had something to say, he could tell by the creases forming on her brow. The suspense was killing him.

Suddenly she snapped out of her trance and took a gulp from the beer bottle. "Sir, I came here to tell you something, and, well, in light of theses new developments I'm just gonna say it." He sat bolt upright at that, trying to look her in the eye as she avoided his gaze. She bit at her lower lip with nervousness.

"Damn Carter, your making me nervous!" his tone softened, "what is it?"

"before I tell you I just want you to know that if we all make it through this I fully expect repercussions sir." He noticed how her eyes took on their determined gleam. His head reeled with possibilities and hopes of what she was about to say. She took a deep breath, closing her eyes, willing herself to just come out and say it.

"You know when we were being tested as Zatarc's, well what the machine didn't pick up on was that I was lying, well not lying, just not telling the whole truth. You see…" he cut her off mid-sentence.

"Carter you're waffling and majorly confusing me, which I know isn't difficult but..." he left the sentence open and was rewarded with a smile, brighter than before.

"Ok, get to the point, I get it. Well, I said that I cared about you, a lot." her voice faltered wondering if this was a wise course of action. But she knew she couldn't just leave it in the room any more, it was out and hanging over them like a storm cloud. Another deep breath and she looked him square in the eyes. "I wanted you to leave me there because, I couldn't bear to see the man I love die because of me."

There it was said, it was out there and the storm cloud had burst. She looked away from him as his brow creased processing what she had said. The thought crossed her mind that maybe he was just thinking of a way to knock her back gently.

"So, to summarise, you love me?" his voice was tinged with disbelief and shock. Sam felt her face heat up and knew she was blushing fiercely. When she didn't answer he touched her hand, just a brush but the contact was electric and made her jump.

"Yes." Her voice, almost inaudible reached his ears. His heart sang with happiness and disbelief. "I should go; I'll get a taxi home sir. I'm sorry, it was totally inappropriate for me to have said anything." She hurriedly gathered her things and made her way to the door, a tear threatening to drop. She reached the door before he stopped her, realising in a flash of inspiration that she had misinterpreted his silence as him not loving her or worse.

His hand caught hers as she reached for the doorknob. "You know, seeing as we seem to be taking this out of the room and all. I lied too. I couldn't leave you because I care about you more than I should; in fact so much that I couldn't watch you die. So much that if id have lost you it would have broken my heart, mainly because my heart belongs to you. Always has Sam." the lone tear that had been threatening to slide down her cheek was now joined by many others.

He turned her to him, placing a hand gently under her chin he lifted her gaze to look at him. He saw her tears, wondering if he had said the wrong thing, did she think he was just saying it because he knew he was dying, had she said it for the same reason. He looked back down at her to see her grinning back up at him. He stroked her cheek as she tentatively grasped his free hand and she lent into his touch. As she looked him square in the eye, letting him see all the feeling that had been kept pent up for so long she saw the same feelings reflected back at her. That look that had so long been buried in the room, on apophis' ship, the incident with the entity, after they had been Jonah and Thera. More moments than she could count and that they had both put down to their imaginations.

He leaned in, slowly, giving her time to back out if she had just wanted to clear her mind. To his surprise she met him half way. The kiss was nervous at first, both trying to not push the boundaries still between them too far. As the kiss deepened and their minds went blank as to what was going on around them all boundaries were lost and walls of silence broken. Whatever fate had in store for them tomorrow they still had today and each other. Always.


	2. Chapter 2

It was all over, Anubis was gone along with his army, the replicators were destroyed and Jack was back. Or was he? Ever since he had been back Sam noticed he had been looking at her strangely and noticed he hadn't bought up the incident at his house the day the SGC was taken from Hammond. Did he just not want to think about it? Did he think it was a mistake? Either way Sam decided it was probably best forgotten. She already felt guilty for cheating on Pete and felt worse for not feeling the way about him that she did about Jack.

Things had resumed to the way they had always been, except with Jack as the CO of the base. Her life with Pete carried on its own way, the same old conversations, and the same jealous looks whenever she bought up her team or especially O'Neill. She wondered if Pete could tell, it was hard to say. Maybe she had changed towards him since spending the night with Jack. He kept telling her she was distant. Eventually she stopped calling and going home. Spending all of her time either in her lab or on the base. It was more than she could handle. She just needed time to think.

As Jack sat in his office thinking about whether he was really cut out to command the base his thoughts wandered to Sam. He knew something had happened but what he couldn't quite place. He kept trying to ask Sam but seeing as she seemed to be in her own little world he decided that it was something not worth bringing up and not something she wanted to discuss or she would have bought it up.

Days and missions came and went and then Kerry showed up. She was beautiful, funny and generally fun to be with. He knew he was fond of her but there was still something missing, something not quite within reach but something. Then Sam showed up. The tension in the air was almost visible between the two women.

Then there was the news of Jacob, and then he realised that when Kerry broke up with him he was still more upset about Jacob and worried about Sam than he was about breaking up with Kerry and her odd comments about him retiring. He immediately went to find Sam, somehow knowing she needed him now, this very minute, more than ever. His intuition was right.

As he wrapped his arm around her she clasped his hand and pulled it to her face, letting his thumb gently caress her face. No awkwardness, no shying away. Just comfortable contact. But not between friends.

"Thank you sir."

"For what?" his tone was gentle, as if she would break at hearing a harsh word.

"For being here for me." It was said quietly and with tears in her eyes. She didn't know if it was because of his gesture, her dad or because of the painful memories having such contact with him dredged up. She couldn't help feeling almost rejected by the way they seemed to have skipped over what happened and the way he had just gone out and got someone new, just like that.

"always." As he spoke just that one word to her alarm bells rang in his head. She rushed to her dads beside as he slipped away. 'Always'. He knew that had been said before. As the thought ticked over in his mind flashes of what he vaguely recognised as being his memories flashed before his eyes. Her telling him that she loved him, and then, the most explosive night of his life. As the realisation sank that this was what he had forgotten he lowered his head to his hands. He could feel tears brimming in his eyes, for Jacob but also regret for Kerry and not remembering. He thought she had to hate him, and if he'd hurt her he'd never forgive himself. He had to explain. But not now. She was grieving.

As she excused herself to her quarters she heard soft footsteps behind her. Knowing it was him she carried on to her quarters. She had to give her dad his final wish. For her to follow her heart and not the rules for a change and go after what she wanted. Reaching her quarters she went in and sat on the bed, purposefully leaving the door open. He took the hint and went in, closing the door behind him. Whatever she wanted him here for he was sure it wasn't something to be shared with the base.

They sat side by side for what seemed like hours. Taking a deep, shuddery breath she began to speak.

"Look sir, I just wanted to apologise for what happened at your house after the general left. But, I don't regret it and I meant what I said. I understand that you've moved on and I just wanted to say, that, well, I'm happy for you." The last phrase was spoken as quickly as she could. To say it slowly would be to betray her true feelings. She would never tell him that he'd almost broken her heart again and that she wanted him and only him. He had made his choice and she had to deal with it. It was as simple as that.

"You don't understand Sam." She couldn't bear to hear this. Not now.

"I understand perfectly sir. You made a mistake because you thought you were dying and then chose Kerry to be with and not me." Oh god! Had she really just said that out loud! His face dropped as he realised why she had been so military with him since had got back.

"I didn't remember until we were up in the observation room Sam. I know you probably don't believe me but if I had remembered I certainly wouldn't have chosen anyone but you." His voice faded, fully expecting her to either lash out at him or ask him to leave.

"No lies?" he voice seemed almost childlike, almost a squeak.

"Never." Tentatively he pulled her into his arms. "And, to answer your earlier statement, you were not a mistake, and I didn't do it because I thought I was going to die. Besides how could I, you always pull some bright idea out of you ass, I mean head." He felt her smile against his neck. "I did it Sam, because I love you." At that she snuggled into him, getting as close as she could without being on top of him. "I'm so sorry about your dad Sam." He said it so quietly he didn't think she'd heard him.

He felt tears begin to wet the collar of his tee-shirt and tightened his grip on her. Letting her let out all the emotions she'd had cooped up as her father took his final breath. Her sobs were gut wrenching. When her breathing evened out apart from the occasional hiccup he drew her away from him slightly. Slowly tracing her jaw line with his fingers, taking in her breathtaking features he was, for one of the first times in his life lost for words. He gently placed his lips on hers and kissed her, not a kiss of passion or hunger but one of unending love. Her hands wound around his neck, she softly ran her fingers through his hair and across his face. As they drew apart he knew it was time.

"Come to the cabin, please?" She simply nodded, making his heart soar. She smiled up at him. Her eyes were still sad but filled with hope.

"I have to do something first…..Pete." she spoke his name with sadness.

"Look I don't want you to leave Pete because of me, because of what's happened with us. I just want you to be happy." His eyes were sincere but his voice echoed with disappointment and sadness. Just the tone of his voice told her that she was making the right choice for once.

"I'm not leaving Pete because of what's happened with us. I'm leaving him because it's not fair on him. I know I've settled for him Jack because I didn't think I could ever have what I really wanted. I didn't think I could ever have you." Her words touched him, and the look in her eyes told him everything he needed to know.

He was waiting for her at her house after she broke up with Pete. She said it was as if he had seen it coming. Even though they had been planning the wedding things hadn't been right for a while. He kissed her gently and picked up her bags.

"Right, lets get you to that cabin where the bass grow this big" he made the same gesture as he had the last time she had almost gone with him, bringing a smile to her face. "Before you duck out again!"

"So, killer 6 feet long bass and burnt barbecue, just what I need." Her tone was jovial and her eyes sparkled in a way he'd missed.

The truck ride to the cabin was mostly silent, she slept for most of the drive and the rest was taken up with small talk and flirting like they always had. They had agreed that Daniel and Teal'c should join them in a few days, so not to raise any red flags to anyone who may care or be waiting for them to make a mistake.

Jack decided that seeing as it was their first night there they should do something special. They took a blanket out onto the small dock and lay staring at the stars and chatting about random subjects, recounting funny tales from missions and talking of things neither had ever spoken honestly about before. Charlie, Sara, Jonas, Jolinar, the list went on. They laughed and cried together, uncomfortably at first but then relaxing and opening up. At the end of the evening Sam went to get up, suggesting it was time to go to bed.

"Not yet, I have something that I need to do." Eyeing him suspiciously she lay back down, propping herself on her elbow. She watched him fidget nervously and then kneel beside her so he could look her in the eyes. "I know this is a bit soon and I understand that after Pete now might not be the right time but I kinda have to do this. Forcryinoutloud! I don't remember this ever being so hard." He raked a slightly shaky hand through his hair, all his fears melting away seeing the slightly confused but amused face of the woman he loved staring up at him. Taking a deep breath he decided to bite the bullet. "Sam, at some point, would you do me the honour of being mine forever?" at that he took the most amazing ring she had ever seen out of a small red velvet bag. It was small but intricate, it was perfect. "And just as a bytheway, I asked your dad and he gave us his blessing, as old fashioned as that sounds." He couldn't quite read the expression on her face, worrying that now was not the right time to have sprung this on her. Just as his hope was slowly sinking to the bottom of the pond they lay beside she gave him his answer.

"Yes." With that she gave him the biggest grin he'd ever seen, it seemed to light up the whole deck. With that he slipped the ring onto her finger, it fit perfectly. He lent in to kiss her but she backed away. His face fell, hoping she hadn't changed her mind. "Just out of interest Jack, how long have you had this ring?" his cheeks coloured at her question and the floor became the most fascinating thing since hockey.

"Well, since the time loop thingy. I kissed you and when you kissed me back I bought it." She burst into laughter and pulled him to her in a passionate embrace. He carefully picked her up and carried her back to their cabin, their cabin. He thought that had a nice ring to it. They would tell Daniel and Teal'c tomorrow and start to plan the wedding, whilst he called in a favour from a certain president and made sure there was LOTS of cake. But tonight was theirs alone and a promise for the future.

_AN- for A the grammer fairy(and her Swamy Yoga). _

_Also huge thanks to ALIMOO1971 and Stargate princess for their great ideas for this fic. _


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